Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
