4 words: hood of his car
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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