He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
