He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
