she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize