i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
