Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
