I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
