i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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