I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
