so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
