Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My bed smells like the plague
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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