Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I understand Curling. That high.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
