Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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