Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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