I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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