my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
