just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
