Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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