I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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