I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
