True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
