How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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