he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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