Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
