My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
