i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
