I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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