you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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