she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
