i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
