please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize