did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The air taste purple.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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