Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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