I am full of burrito and curiosity
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
