hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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