so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
