I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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