the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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