I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
