so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
