Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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