i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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