dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
