I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
