i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
