That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
