new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
