I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
