Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
