I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
