he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
