i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
