yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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