i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
