Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
