If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
