He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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