Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
