Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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