No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
