never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
