I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
