I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
