I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
