I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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