why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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