look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Come share oat with me in your robe
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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