My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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