You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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