The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
