no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
