The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
