I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
