you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
