So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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