I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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