Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
