It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
