Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
