I'm sorry my penis didn't work
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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