oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
