Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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