we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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