I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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