There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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