Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
