I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
