omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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