i can't believe i had my finger in that
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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