I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
