Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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