oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize